


who dares to love forever?

by neilperrys



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989), Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Q slur, References to Shakespeare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-16 05:37:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18088457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neilperrys/pseuds/neilperrys
Summary: "Was there snow?" Melchior asked abruptly, trailing his fingers over the cover of his copy of Hamlet. "When he died. Was there snow?"Todd sucked in a breath, tongue running against the scab on his lip, reopened by weeks and weeks of biting. "Yeah. There was... it was snowing. It was snowing hard."





	who dares to love forever?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bareunloveliness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bareunloveliness/gifts).



Todd didn't know who the hell this guy was. All he knew was that he'd sat down by him at the library, and asked him if he was Neil's friend. Todd simply nodded, his books set open in front of him, but he wasn't taking in any of the knowledge he was supposed to. 

"-he talked about you a lot. At least- you have to be Todd, right? -yeah, he talked about you a lot," the guy leant back in his seat with a laugh, picking at the loose strings of his jacket, "You... you are Todd, right? Todd Anderson?"

His head shot up, pursing his lips, "And... and you are- who?" Todd's hand rested on the pages of his Latin textbook, fingers skimming over the conjunctions and phrases that he was supposed to be learning and memorizing. Ubi amor, ibi dolor, his mind reminded him of the phrase he'd chosen, where there is love, there is pain. Study. He should be studying.

"Melchior Gabor," the guy tossed one leg over another, "Neil was my friend too- well. I didn't know him as well as you must have. But I heard from my friend Ilse, what happened. She said a guy named Knox told her friend Chris, Chris told Ilse, and Ilse told me," unsure of what to say, Todd just blinked, letting Melchior continue, "He and I used to argue about Shakespeare. And Faust. Have you read Faust? Faust is very good, you know?"

There was a beat of awkward silence, Todd's shoulders hunched, almost like he was trying to hide from this- this _stranger._ "No. I can't- I can't say I've read Faust. Tragedies, they aren't really, they aren't- really the stuff I like," his voice tapered off, getting smaller as he tried harder to focus on his Latin textbook. "Listen, can you- can you please go? I'm trying to do my homework."

"No," Melchior's voice was sharp as he leaned back, fingers tapping out some tune on the table. "I wanna talk to you. You were his best friend, right?"

"No," Todd echoed, sucking in a breath and shaking his head, leg bouncing under the table, "Yes, I mean- no, I wasn't- I mean he was mine but-" he lowered his head, eyes fixated on the ground. His hand went to his leg to try and still his bouncing. "He was- more. He was more important than a- a best friend to me. Not like, a brother, not- he- never _mind._ " Internally, Todd cursed. He shouldn't be talking about this at all, especially not with this guy- _Melchior Gabor,_ what kind of name even is that? "Does it even matter?"

Melchior laughed, waving his hand, "Oh, were you two, you know, _together?_ I mean, it makes sense. He had some... interesting opinions on The Great Gatsby. And on Twelfth Night. Actually- he had a lot of opinions," Melchior paused, and Todd stiffened. He was ready to move- to run if he had to. He really was not in the mood for some nerd with Faust to out him to- to god only knows who. "No, don't worry, I'm not against two guys, y'know, getting it on-" Jesus Christ, this was just going _splendid,_ "-in fact, two of my friends are. So I'm not against it. I love the queers."

Wow. What the fuck. "Will you quiet down?" Todd hissed, closing his latin textbook with a slam that caused him to jump himself, "We are in a _public_ library. _Public._ " It was like he'd caused a revelation, because Melchior's eyes widened and he nodded. Of course, he didn't quiet down. Just changed the subject.

"I had a friend too," he started, eyes flicking up to the ceiling, "His name was Moritz. He- he died too. Bad father. Bad grades. He was nice though. Kind. Sad. I was- I was too caught up in this girl to realize what he was even going through." Melchior lowered his head and swallowed. Nervously, Todd reached out a hand, awkwardly patting his shoulder. "But! It was a long time ago. We were fourteen."

"Neil had a bad father too," Todd pushed back the part in his brain telling him to leave, picking at the loose threads of his- _Neil's_ \- forest green and soft sweater, "He loved acting. And Shakespeare. Honestly, he was- was the best damn Puck the world has ever seen." Though tears were threatening to fall, he forced a laugh. A short, mangled sound that caught in his throat.

Fuck, he couldn't talk about this.

"Was there snow?" Melchior asked abruptly, interrupting Todd's sadness trip, trailing his fingers over the cover of his copy of Hamlet. "When he died. Was there snow?"

Todd sucked in a breath, tongue running against the rough scab on his lip, reopened by weeks and weeks of biting it until it bled. "Yeah. There was... it was snowing. It was snowing hard." His chest hurt, and he wanted to cry so bad, or scream, or anything, he just didn't want to talk about this. About Neil. 

After a moment of silence, Melchior handed over a folded piece of paper. "I'm not too good at the friendship thing. But if you, I don't know, wanna talk, that's my number." Todd wouldn't call. He'd shove the paper in a book and forget about it and this conversation. But, he supposed, it was nice to have the option.


End file.
